Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

Reply to this topicStart new topic
> Luke faces Vader for the first time, spoof!
post Nov 2 2010, 11:46 PM
Post #1

Power Poster
Group Icon

Group: Jedi
Posts: 529
Joined: 11 August 2005
Member No.: 1,428

Luke walked into a large room that looked remarkably like the inside of the Death Star.
“The Force is with you, young Skywalker,” Vader intoned, “But you are not even a padawan yet.”
“Pada-what?” Luke said.
“Paddy one?”
Vader ignited his lightsaber, clearly tired of the conversation already.
“Lightsabers come in red?” Luke said, looking at Vader’s saber.
Vader sighed. “So inexperienced in the ways of the Force. The red ones are for the dark side, the cooler shades like blue and green for the light side.”
Light side? I assure you, my intentions are most serious.”
Luke ignited his blue lightsaber.
“You see: your saber is blue. That means you’re not dark side.”
“What if I had a purple saber? That’s a combination of blue and red!”
Vader took a moment to think about this.
“Actually I knew a guy once who had a purple saber. Mace was his name. Didn’t like him much. Even when I was a Jedi. That probably explains the purple.”
They engaged in a light saber duel. After a couple of minutes, Luke fell into the carbonation (yes, carbonation) chamber.
“That was easy,” Vader said.
Vader used the Force to flip the switch on the carbonation chamber machine. But Luke had already used the gigantic drinking straw he found down there to pole vault out. When Vader saw him, Luke spit a wad of paper at him through the straw. The paper wad bounced off Vader’s faceplate. Vader was really pissed now, so he swung again and cut the straw in half. Luke dropped the straw and backed up against a window that looked a lot like the windows in the Death Star.
Using the Force, Vader hurled a box at Luke and it bashed him in the head, but didn’t knock him down. Vader then sent everything that wasn’t nailed down hurtling at him: wrenches, drill guns, beer cans, cleanex boxes, pies, coffee cups, pizza slices and doughnuts. Vader’s aim was terrible – everything hit the window, and eventually smashed it. For some reason, a great suction started pulling from the window. Vader grabbed hold of the nearest girder. Luke got sucked right off his feet and right out. Oddly, the suction stopped immediately, allowing Vader to let go of the girder and look through the smashed window. A fist came up and connected with his chin. Luke was hanging onto the window ledge.
“Here, let me give you a hand.”
Luke reached up. Vader cut off his hand, caught it, and tossed it to him. Luke screamed.
“Who’s your daddy now?” Vader sneered.
“Obi-Wan told me enough. He told me you killed him.”
“Wrong answer. I’m your daddy.”
“Can you stop screaming? You’re going to give me a headache.”
Luke was nearly in tears.
“You can’t be my father!”
“Why not?!”
“Because I’m not a cyborg!”
“I’m C-3PO’s father too!”
“3PO’s a droid! He doesn’t have a father!”
“Oh?! Well how come he’s got a belly-button, huh?”
Luke couldn’t stand it anymore. He let go of the window ledge and fell. He fell a long way, and the shaft he was in got narrower until his body finally plugged up the shaft, along with the drill, the wrench, the coffee cups, the beer cans and the other stuff. Not knowing how to use tools, Luke just grabbed whatever he could and started beating them against the sides of the tunnel. Then he heard a flushing sound, and he got sucked down. This time he found himself landing on a big TV antennae (apparently Cloud City couldn’t afford satellite). Luke hung there and started to go in and out of consciousness. He started dreaming about Leia in a tight space suit. Without even realizing it, Luke was establishing a telepathic call to her through the TV antennae. At the same moment, the crew of the Falcon were watching TV, and those images in Luke’s head came up on the screen.
“Hey what the hell?!” Lando barked. He reached for the TV remote.
“Wait!” Leia cried. “I think that’s Luke!”
Lando looked closer.
“I think you’re right! What’s he doing on TV?! And, Princess, I think that's YOU on TV! What are the two of you doing?!”
“Is there a TV antennae on Cloud City?”
“Sure! There’s one on the bottom near the garbage chute!”
“I think I know where Luke is!”
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
post Nov 3 2010, 11:20 AM
Post #2

Frozen in Carbonite on Slave 1
Group Icon

Group: Jedi
Posts: 6,825
Joined: 22 October 2005
From: Eastern Europe
Member No.: 1,532

Nice one, paul73 smile.gif I enjoyed reading it.

“Paddy one?”



Married to anya_skywalker

"It is known that there are infinite number of worlds, simply because there is infinite amount of space for them to be in. However, not every one of them is inhabited. Therefore, there must be finite number of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so average population of all planets in Universe can be said to be zero. From this it follows that population of whole Universe is also zero, and that any people you may meet from time to time are merely products of deranged imagination."
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

Master was here (12.10.16)
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post

Reply to this topicStart new topic
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:


Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 22nd January 2018 - 01:02 PM