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> Qui-Gonn and Annie escape Maul, spoof!
post Jul 17 2010, 01:48 PM
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Qui-Gonn and Anakin walked over a sand dune towards the Queen's ship when suddenly Qui-Gonn heard something approaching from the rear. He looked over his shoulder and saw a person in black with red skin and horns riding a floating motorcycle. The song “Ghost riders in the sky” briefly flashed through Qui-Gonn’s head.
"Anakin, drop!"
Anakin quickly dropped his pants.
“No!” Qui-Gonn yelled, “Drop to the ground!”
Anakin hit the sand just before the motorcycle roared over him. Maul jumped off the cycle while igniting his red light saber, doing a flip in the air and then landing in the sand. The dismount looked pretty impressive, except when Maul landed, his feet sank into the sand up to his knees.
“Go to the ship, tell them to take off!” Qui-Gonn ordered Anakin.
Anakin shuffled towards the ship, his pants still around his ankles.
Having dug himself out of the sand, Maul stood between Qui-Gonn and the ship.
“Who are you?” Qui-Gonn asked.
“Maul? Do you have a first name?”
“Chopping,” Maul sneered.
“Well I’m going to cut you a deal that you can’t refuse,” Qui-Gonn said while igniting his light saber.
Anakin shuffled up the ship’s ramp. Once inside, he pulled up his pants. He went to the first person he could find, Kenobi.
“Qui-Gonn told you to take off!”
“ ‘Take off’?! Well, that was bloody rude of him!”
“I think he meant the ship.”
“Oh,” Kenobi said. He turned to the ship’s pilot. “Pilot, take off, eh?! Fly low!”
The ship flew so low that both Qui-Gonn and Maul had to jump to the sand and flatten themselves to avoid getting hit. Qui-Gonn came back up spitting sand out of his mouth.
“Circle back around!” Kenobi commanded.
Qui-Gonn lept up onto the ship's ramp and entered the ship in mid-flight. A moment later, Maul tried it too, but the ramp had pulled up and he hit his head on the door and then fell to the ground.
“Who was that?!” Kenobi asked Qui-Gonn.
“It called itself Maul. It was well-trained in the Jedi arts.”
“ ‘It’? Wasn’t that a male?!”
Qui-Gonn shrugged his shoulders.
“Could’ve been a transsexual.”
“What makes you suspect that?”
Qui-Gonn stroked his greying beard.
“Well, he was very horny, yet he had terrible teeth.”
Kenobi turned to Anakin and shook his hand.
“I’m Obi-Wan Kenobi.”
“Anakin Skywalker. Are you a Jedi too?!”
Kenobi smiled and nodded.
“No, he’s just a padawan,” Qui-Gonn interjected.
Kenobi’s smile faltered and he sighed.
“Annie,” Qui-Gonn said, “Why don’t you go up to the cockpit and meet the pilot?”
“Gee, that’d be swell!” Annie said excitedly.
So Annie skipped to the cockpit while whistling the song “Tomorrow”.
“Welcome, Annie!” The pilot said with a toothy grin.
“Hi there!”
“Annie, do you like to hang around men's gymnasiums?”
Anakin pointed at a control that was marked with the picture of a baseball.
“Does that control the pitch?”
“You catch on pretty quick!” said the pilot.
Anakin smiled with glee. The pilot put his arm around the back of Anakin’s shoulders.
“Annie, do you like movies about gladiators?”
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