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> Millenium Falcon lands on Cloud City, spoof!
post Aug 10 2010, 01:10 AM
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The Falcon flew towards a city on a cloud (no, really!). The Falcon gingerly landed on a platform while expelling gases, garbage and sewage, all of which smelled really bad. The ramp door opened with a sound ‘thud’ on the metal platform and the crew of 5 exited with the anxiety of Dorothy (Leia), the Cowardly Lion (Chewy), the Scarecrow (Han), the Tin Man (C-3PO), and Toto, too (R2-D2).
A black man wearing a suit, tie and a blue cape stomped towards them with a bevy of staff following. He stopped infront of Han.
“Why you no-good, double-crossin’, bad-stabbin’ swindler,” the man growled.
“Not to mention laser-brained,” Leia added.
Han looked at Leia incredulously.
Lando looked Leia up and down and smiled charmingly while extending his hand to her.
“I’m Lando Calrissian, the administrator. Who might you be?”
Han slugged him square in the chin. Lando went down on his butt.
The staff frantically pulled Han off Lando and restrained him.
“No, no, it’s alright,” Lando said, rubbing his chin while getting to his feet. Lando pulled out a remote control and turned off Lobot, his cyborg assistant.
Lando jabbed Han in the nose. Han went down on his butt. This time the staff had to hold Lando back.
“You got a lot of nerve comin’ back after what you pulled!” Lando growled.
Han tilted his head back and squeezed his nostrils, making his voice sound nasal.
“I lost the Falcon to you fair n’ square!”
“You guys are arguing over this hunk of junk?!” Leia scoffed.
“That “piece of junk” saved my life on many occasions,” Lando said while wiping a tear from his eye. “And how you doin’ Chewbacca?”
Chewy reached out with his long arms, wrapped his large, furry hands around Lando’s neck and started to choke him. The staff went berzerk and tried to pull the wookie’s massive arms loose, but to no avail.
“What are you doing?!” 3PO yelled. “Trust him! Trust him!”
Lando fell to his knees and Chewy held tight.
Lando tried to sputter something out but nobody could understand him.
“I think he’s trying to say something!” Leia said.
Lando slapped three fingers against the wookie’s arm.
“Three words! Oh boy, I love Charades!” Leia cried excitedly.
Lando slapped one finger against Chewey.
“First word!” Leia cried.
Lando pointed at himself.
“Um, face!”
Lando’s eyes bulged.
Lando was beginning to turn blue.
“Excuse me,” C-3PO said, “I think he’s referring to himself.”
Lando nodded and put his finger on his nose.
Leia clapped.
This time Lando slapped two fingers against the wookie’s slowly-tightening hands.
“Peace!” one of the staff yelled out. Leia glared at him.
“Second word!” Leia said.
Lando tugged on his earlobe.
“Sounds like--”
Lando pointed to Han, who was standing now, still tilting his head back, trying to stop the nose-bleed.
“Nose bleed!”
Lando grunted.
“Swindler!” 3PO guessed.
Lando shook his head.
“Nurf-herder!” Leia shouted.
Lando groaned. His eyes were starting to roll up.
Lando clapped and his eyes regained some normalcy.
“Rhymes with Han! Frying pan!”
Lando was turning purple now.
“Ran! You … ran for Supreme Chancellor but lost!”
Lando started pulling his hair.
“You ban! You ban us from Cloud City!”
Lando slapped his forehead. He couldn’t believe how bad they were at this.
“You fan, you man, you spam … you am?”
Lando pointed at her and put his finger on his nose. His finger nearly went up it.
“You am! You am!” Leia clapped her hands and jumped.
Lando slapped three fingers and tugged his ear again.
“Third word! Sounds like!”
Lando put his open hands together at the pinkie fingers and opened and closed his hands.
“Butterfly! You’re a butterfly and you’re trying to escape!”
Lando rolled his eyes again.
“Book! You are booking Chewy for assault!”
Lando looked pale now and his knees were starting to wobble underneith him.
“Read novels! Read stories!”
Lando wiggled his finger at her in a get-closer gesture.
“He’s reading a good story and wants to share it with us!”
Lando started to lose control of his arms.
“He am story of a man named Lando!” Leia sang.
Lando started wiggling his finger at her again.
“Story, gory, lorry, sorry,”
Lando’s eyes shot to life and he jabbed his near-lifeless finger at his pale nose.
“Oh!” Leia cried with glee. “Me am sorry! Me am sorry!”
Chewy let go. Lando’s eyes shut and he collapsed to the platform.
“That’s alright,” Han said casually, his nose-bleed now under control. “We’ve been through a lot.”
The staff helped a coughing and spluttering Lando to his feet.
“Where’d you fly in from?” Lando croaked while gently massaging his throat.
“Hoth’s quite far! You fly through a worm-hole?”
Han thought about the giant worm in the asteroid.
“More-a-less,” he replied.
“Well, welcome to Cloud City!”
Lando smiled and put his arm around Han.
“He seems nice,” C-3PO whispered to Leia.
“Very nice,” Leia replied wryly.
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