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> Ben Kenobi meets young Luke, spoof!
paul73
post Aug 20 2010, 05:18 PM
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The sandpeople dragged unconscious Luke across the canyon floor and dropped him in front of his speeder. Then the sandpeople got into the speeder and started jumping on the seats. One of them got his camera out and starting shooting pictures. They grabbed up limp Luke and posed him with their arms around him while holding up their fingers in peace signs.

Then they heard a sports horn, close and piercing. The sandpeople immediately dropped Luke, hopped out of the speeder and ran. The sandpeople were terrified of organized sports.

A minute later a man in a brown robe and a large hood (looking very much like a tall jawa) scuttled down the side of the canyon. “Oh no! I’m too late!” the old man cried as he surveyed the scene. He saw a severed arm lying in the sand. Kenobi picked the arm up with shaking hands and placed the hand gently against his face.

“Um, excuse me sir,” a voice said to his right. Startled, old Kenobi turned. A one-arm protocol droid laid partially-buried in the sand. “That’s my arm.”

Kenobi dropped the arm and scanned the area once more. He saw Luke (in once piece) lying flat on his back and shuffled over to him. Ben put his pinky finger in Luke’s ear. Then he threw off his hood.

R2D2 came out from his hiding spot. Kenobi glanced over at him. “Hello there my little friend. Don’t be afraid!”
R2 beeped and tweeted. Translation: “Wow, have you gotten old!”
Kenobi returned his attention to Luke.
“C’mon Luke, hang on!”
Old Kenobi pressed his lips against Luke’s and breathed air into his lungs. Luke meanwhile was having a pleasant dream of the mysterious, beautiful young woman in the hologram he’d seen earlier. He was kissing her. Luke’s hands went around Kenobi’s head and he pulled him to the sand, his lips locked around the old man’s. Luke wrapped his legs around him tightly. Kenobi struggled to break loose.

Suddenly Luke awoke and when he saw where his lips were placed, Luke shoved Kenobi away and he jumped to his feet in a hurry. Kenobi struggled to his feet, brushed the sand off his robes and wiped the spit from his lips.

“Ben? Boy, am I glad to see you!”
“What are you doing this far out in the desert, young Luke? Run away from home? Finally lose it?”
“This droid,” Luke said, pointing at R2, “claims to be the property of some clown called Obi-Wan Kenobi and went out looking for the jerk! What aggravation! Do you know what dushbag he’s talking about? Is he a relative of yours? I think he’s dead, personally.”
Kenobi frowned. “That’s me! That’s me you’re talking about!”
Luke’s eyes became as wide as saucers (flying ones).
“Oh! Sorry about the clown comment.”
Kenobi closed his eyes and waved his hand dismissively.
“--And the dushbag.”
“That’s quite alrig--”
“—And the jerk comm--”
Kenobi pulled the sports horn out of his robes and blew it in Luke’s face. Luke’s blonde hair flew back.
“Look, I may not be dead yet, but you’re definitely making death look like a good thing right now!”
Luke shut his mouth.
“Let’s get a move on.”

An hour later they were all sitting in Obi-Wan’s living room. R2 was serving drinks. C-3PO had gotten so bored he shut himself down and was doing a pretty good impression of an Oscar.
“Let’s hear this message,” Kenobi said.
“I placed data vital to the Rebellion inside this droid,” the hologram image said, “Please deliver him to my father on Alderaan, A.S.A.P, C.O.D., J.I.T.”
The hologram vanished.
“Ah yes, the Rebellion!” Kenobi said, as if he’d long forgotten about it.
“You know of the Rebellion?!” Luke said excitedly.
“I was once a Jedi Knight, just as your father.”
“What happened to my father?” Luke asked quietly.
Kenobi sighed.
“He became an arrogant prick, choked your mother nearly to death, then I cut off all his arms and legs. I left him for dead at the bottom of a lava canyon, but that damned Emperor, the scavenging bird he is, picked him up and badda-bing-badda-boom: Darth Vader.”
Luke was stunned. All the color had drained from his face.
Kenobi let out a stilted laugh, slapped his knee and said,
“Just kidding.”
Luke relaxed a bit and smiled.
“Had you going there!”
They both wiped sweat from their foreheads.
“Well, I had to get you back for the “clown” comment.”
“I’m real sorry about that--”
“—It’s forgotten!” Ben snapped, holding up his hand. “Another pupil of mine, Darth Vader, betrayed and murdered your father.”
“Bastard! Son of a bitch!” Luke cursed.
Kenobi’s forehead wrinkled.
“Anyways,” Kenobi got up and reached into a chest which contained an assortment of items including a bongo drum, an old Santa Claus suit, a magic wand and a stack of Playboy magazines. Kenobi dunked his hand deep inside and rummaged around. “Your father wanted you to… umm.. have this when you were old enough.”
Kenobi pulled out a dildo, but quickly realized he’d grabbed the wrong thing and dunked it back in. He rummaged around some more and pulled out the right thing.
“But I don’t need another flashlight,” Luke said.
“This is no flashlight,” Kenobi said. “This is a light saber.”
He dropped it in Luke’s hand. Luke looked confused.
“It isn’t very light for a light saber.”
“No, it’s a sword--”
“Sword?! Well the damn blade’s missing!”
“You don’t understand, boy; the button on the side ignites the laser blade.”
Luke pressed the button and the tip of the laser blade came to within a quarter of an inch of his nose.
“You must come with me to Aldaraan.”
“I want to become a Jedi Knight,” Luke said proudly.
Kenobi smiled.
“—Like my father.”
Kenobi’s smile faltered.
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Rebel_A96
post Sep 6 2010, 04:36 PM
Post #2


On Bespin in Lando's dining room
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Your spoofs are always funny and had me laughing again this time. However, I didn't like your ending, it fell flat. But other than that, it was good. smilesmall.gif


--------------------
Let's start at the top shall we? The Sith Wars, Palpatine's Empire, Thrawn's siege, Vong invasion, Second Galactic Civil War, I could go on. Point is the enemy hasn't vanished and we're fighting new people/aliens/species every day.

This has always been a Force War and we, as non-Jedi, will still help rid the universe of their evil. That's on one side of the galaxy, on the other our friends: Luke, Han, Leia, Wedge, Iella, Corran, Mirax, etc are still trying to keep the peace. They've thwarted Abeltoth, but others will soon come their way...and ours.

We shall meet these enemies on both sides of the galaxy head on to defeat them. And when we do meet them, it'll be with the same determination, hope, and perseverance all of us have always shown.

None of this is easy as people/aliens/pets/animals are injured or die every day. But to keep the galaxy safe, we'll do all we can to win, for both sides of the galaxy. To ensure peace, we will keep fighting.

Wish us luck, wish us the Force, and pray for us as we'll need it going up against these formidable foes.



(Have been playing SW for over 17yrs--as of 2014--and I also follow the books. I will continue this role playing until I no longer can.) Also I just wanted to thank all who answered my threads and have chatted with me throughout the years; all of you are fun, awesome, caring, friendly, smart, (etc) and are my good/best friends. I will miss talking to you.
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