Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

Reply to this topicStart new topic
> Han released from carbonation freezing, spoof!
post Apr 25 2011, 06:51 PM
Post #1

Power Poster
Group Icon

Group: Jedi
Posts: 529
Joined: 11 August 2005
Member No.: 1,428

In the night, the bounty hunter sneaked through the shadows while Jabba’s court slept. Jabba snored loudest of all. The bounty hunter reached Han, still frozen in carbonation in the shape of a giant cola. The bounty hunter pushed a few buttons on the cola. Han’s body changed from liquid into gas. She realized her mistake when she saw the smoke-like gas escaping up the straw at the top of the cola. She pushed a few more buttons. The gas descended and this time became solid, forming Han.
“You’re free,” the bounty hunter said.
Han fell forward and landed face-first on the concrete floor.
“Ow! I broke my nose!” He cried.
The bounty hunter bent down and helped him get to a sitting position. Han shuttered and flinched at the stranger’s touch.
“Don’t fear me; I’m freeing you.”
“I’m not afraid, your hands are cold!”
“Can’t you see that I’m here to help you?”
“I can’t see anything - I’m blind!”
“You must have carbonation sickness. It’s only temporary.”
“Who are you?”
He stuck his hands out and they landed on the bounty hunter’s boobs.
The bounty hunter took off her helmet. It was Leia.
“Someone who loves you,” she said tenderly.
“Sorry – I’m a bit deaf, too.”
She pressed her lips against his.
Han smiled. She smiled and waited for his reply. He smacked his lips. She continued to wait. Her smile faltered.
“Well?” she snapped.
“Leia?” he asked timidly.
She shrieked in delight and threw her arms around him.
“Shhh! You might wake them!” Han whispered, able to hear Jabba’s snoring even with partial deafness.
“Let’s get out of here,” Leia said, helping Han to his feet.
“Let’s find a bathroom; I really have to pee!”
“Ok, but no flushing,” Leia whispered.
Han shuffled along and kicked an empty metal bucket which crashed into a stack of empty tin cans which ricocheted off the walls and ground, making a hell of a racket. Attempting to grab the tin cans, Han accidentally grabbed and pulled a cord which opened a wide curtain, opening the room up to Jabba the Hutt. Jabba’s snoring stopped abruptly. Everyone around Han and Leia jumped up, snarling, grabbing their weapons and surrounding them.
“Great,” Leia sighed.
“Solo!” Jabba roared.
“Jabba, listen--” Han pleaded, facing a Jawa who stood against the wall, “I know you’re angry and probably grumpy about being woken-up, but I’ll pay you triple!”
Jabba just laughed. The jawa shrugged.
“Quadruple!” Han shouted.
Jabba laughed harder. The jawa tried to avoid Han’s blind stare.
Jabba laughed so hard he almost fell off his pedestal. The jawa had turned completely around and now faced the wall.
Han couldn’t remember what came after quintuple. He turned to Leia.
“Sex-- Sex --?”
Leia elbowed him.
“Not now, Han!” Leia hushed.
“I’ll give you Chewbacca!” Han pleaded.
“Umm, Han,” Leia said, “I’ve already given him Chewbacca.”
Han turned to her. “You gave them Chewey?!” He said in disbelief. “I was just bluffing!”
“Your talking won’t get you out of this one, Solo!” Jabba growled. “Guards, lock him up until I think of a particularly horrible death for him. Bring the woman to me!”
The guards brought Leia in front of the Hutt.
“You will be my personal slave.”
“Eat me!” Leia snapped.
The guards pushed her towards Jabba. He licked his big, fat lips.
“I was just kidding! Kidding!” Leia shrieked, squirming in the guards’ grasp.
Jabba cow-licked her with his huge, slimy, green tongue.
“Ugh. I know when I’m licked,” she groaned.
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
post Jun 14 2011, 06:15 AM
Post #2

Frozen in Carbonite on Slave 1
Group Icon

Group: Jedi
Posts: 6,825
Joined: 22 October 2005
From: Eastern Europe
Member No.: 1,532

that was a great one

“Let’s find a bathroom; I really have to pee!”

laugh.gif laugh.gif


Married to anya_skywalker

"It is known that there are infinite number of worlds, simply because there is infinite amount of space for them to be in. However, not every one of them is inhabited. Therefore, there must be finite number of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so average population of all planets in Universe can be said to be zero. From this it follows that population of whole Universe is also zero, and that any people you may meet from time to time are merely products of deranged imagination."
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

Master was here (12.10.16)
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post

Reply to this topicStart new topic
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:


Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 22nd January 2018 - 12:53 PM