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> Anakin and Obi-Wan pursue the bounter hunter into sports club, spoof!
paul73
post Aug 10 2012, 02:19 PM
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Obi-Wan and Anakin entered the sports bar. At one end of the bar, slobs of various species wearing sports jerseys, T-shirts and tight-fitting track outfits stared at several TV screens broadcasting live sporting events with droid competitors. At the other end of the bar, over-weight slobs of various species watched several TV screens broadcasting sporting events with human competitors.

"Wanna buy some deathsticks?" a young pusher asked a disheveled man sitting at the bar.

"Ok."

The man gave him a few credits and the pusher discreetly slid him a stick. The man stuck it in his mouth and lit the end with a laser knife. Sparks immediately shot out of the deathstick.

"Thanks," said the man.

"Don't mention it," replied the pusher, who turned and disappeared into the crowd like smoke.

"Wow, this is really good," whispered the man to himself.

Then the deathstick exploded along with the man's head. His headless body slumped off the bar stool and fell onto the floor.

Obi-Wan casually stepped over the body. After whisking the stool off with a handkerchief, he sat down.

A few moments later, the young pusher approached Obi-Wan. Upon seeing Obi-Wan's giant lighter (actually a lightsaber) hanging from his belt, the pusher became intrigued and his eyes went wide.

"Wanna buy some deathsticks? Perhaps extra-large size!"

Without looking at him, Obi-Wan wove his hand in the air and declared, "You don't want to sell me deathsticks."

"I don't want to sell you deathsticks," the pusher repeated stoically.

"You want to go home, stick it up your rear, and light it."

"I want to--" Consternation came across the pusher's face and he shook his head. "What?! Are you nuts?!"

The pusher left in a hurry.

A minute later, Obi-Wan sensed someone poke something into his back.

Bloody pusher!, he thought.

With the speed of a mongoose catching a cobra, Obi-Wan ignited his lightsaber, spun on his stool, and sliced off the person's hand only it wasn't the pusher, it was Zenn, the bounty hunter he and Anakin had pursued into the club.

"Oh," Obi-Wan muttered to himself. He put away his lightsaber.

Anakin suddenly appeared out of the crowd next to Obi-Wan.

"Jedi business," Anakin stated to the crowd. "Go back to your drinks."

Nearby, Anthony Daniels downed his triple-shot, looked at his watch, grabbed his C-3PO head, and headed for the exit.

Anakin and Obi-Wan dragged Zenn out of the bar and into a dark alley and set her down against a brick wall.

"Who hired you?" Obi-Wan asked.

Zenn did not reply.

Anakin turned to Obi-Wan.

"Obi-Wan," Anakin whispered, "Thanks for letting me be the bad cop."

"I thought I was being the bad cop!"

Anakin removed one of Zenn's boots.

"We have ways of making you talk," Anakin hissed.

Zenn cowered.

"What are you going to do?!" Zenn whimpered, "torture me?!"

Anakin started tickling her foot. Zenn screamed.

"Ok! I'll talk!! I'll talk!!!"

Anakin pulled back his hand.

"I was hired by a bounty hunter called Jan--!"

A dart zipped in and stabbed Zenn square on the nose. Zenn then called Obi-Wan a "slimo" and expired.

"A bounty hunter named Jan?" Anakin asked, a puzzled look on his face.

Obi-Wan removed the dart from Zenn's schnozz. A small flag hung from it, with the word "Kamino" printed on it.

"Toxic dart," Obi-Wan affirmed.

"What's Kamino?"

Obi-Wan shrugged. "Probably bounty hunter slang for: f@%k o*f coppers!"
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Master
post Dec 25 2012, 08:51 AM
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